


Day 4 - P.S. I Love You (The Beatles)

by blaindersonkummel



Series: Klaine Valentines Challenge 2016 [4]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Declarations Of Love, Episode: s06e01 Loser Like Me, Love Letters, M/M, Missing Scene, Post-Break Up, Reaction, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 07:21:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5905015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blaindersonkummel/pseuds/blaindersonkummel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reaction to episode 6x01. Kurt writes a letter addressing the ways he hurt Blaine.</p><p>Written for Day 4 of the Klaine Valentines Challenge.<br/>Prompt: "P.S. I Love You" by The Beatles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Day 4 - P.S. I Love You (The Beatles)

**Author's Note:**

> Read on Tumblr [here](http://blaindersonkummel.tumblr.com/post/138702460818/klaine-valentines-challenge-day-4-ps-i-love).

Dear Blaine.

It feels too formal to start a letter to you like that. But there’s really no other way I _can_ start.

I gave up the right to address you as “ _dearest Blaine_ ” or “ _my love_ ” or “ _honey bee_ ” any more.

That’s why I’m doing this, really.

I’m currently sitting in ~~our~~ bed, writing this letter, and thinking of you.

Ten minutes ago I got back from my appointment with Dr Rose. I’ve only been seeing her for a couple of weeks, but I already really feel like I’m starting to make some progress. I really think you’d like her. She owns lots of hair bows and likes to play Katy Perry in her waiting area. Sometimes that’s comforting – sometimes it just makes things a lot harder.

She’s the one who told me to do this – to write you a letter. I don’t have to send it, or even read it back again. I can give it to her if I want to, I can keep it; I can even throw it straight in the trash. I don’t want to do that last one. That feels too real.

I’m supposed to write a letter to either: someone I love, someone I hurt, or someone I miss. Well, I think you can guess that you fall into all three of those categories.

I _do_ miss you. So much. Every day I wake up to an empty bed, or go to make dinner, or get on the subway – and I miss you. Loneliness isn’t an excuse for thinking that the world owes you someone you lost, only when it suits you. I know that. But some days I wish the universe would understand that I’ve made some really bad mistakes. I lost somebody wonderful in my life. And I failed to tell him just how much he means to me – until it was too late.

I hurt you. So badly. And so many times. I can’t forgive myself for some of those times, actually. But with this therapy, working on my patience and temper has shown me just how trivial those times were. You know as well as I do how controlling I can be. True, it worked for us in places. You liked order to your chaos – and I liked spontaneity to my structure. That’s what made us perfect, and also what made us clash. I never meant for that to be the thing that tore us apart.

I do still love you. So much. Above all else, I never ever stopped loving you. I have this thing with intimacy. And you don’t. You would do anything for me. I saw that in you everyday – willing to sacrifice your needs to fulfil mine. Now I know I would do absolutely anything for you in return. You deserve someone who tells you everyday how amazing and how loved you are.

Really, I want to apologise about that night. If I could take back every second of that day, I would. I know things had been tough for so long, but if only I’d taken that one day to fix those problems, maybe we wouldn’t be apart like this. When I think now about how I behaved, I’m so frustrated with myself. You spent all day organising our wedding, and not only did I distance myself from those decisions, I turned it into a reason to pick on you. Being late to dinner is so unbelievably trivial, considering what it resulted in.

Do you know what I picture when I think about my dream wedding now?

_You._

Honestly, right now, it’s just you. I don’t care about tuxes, or rings, or flowers. I only think of us – promising ourselves to each other for the rest of our lives. I said some stupid things that night – but telling you I didn’t want to marry you was the stupidest. Nothing would make me more proud than to have had the chance to call you my husband.

But like I said, I gave up that right.

Sure, you said and did some things too – we both know that. But I know some days it seemed like the world was just out to get you. You often wondered “why me?” on days it got tough, and I couldn’t give you an answer. I would do anything now to make those days easier for you, just like you did when you made my dark days easier too. Because that’s what we do – we save each other.

But you are strong, Blaine. So strong. And after all this time I know one thing to be true: you have always been capable of saving yourself.

If I asked you to love me again, I know you’d come running. But in my heart, I hope you can find yourself first. I hope your days can be brighter, your smile can be bigger, and your heart can be warmer (although I’m not sure that’s possible).

I’ll be yours forever, and I’ll wait for you just as long.

Kurt.

P.S. I will _always_ love you.


End file.
